I was listening to some antique Ozzy this morning and it got my mind to begin to wonder. The song was a duet with Lita Ford called, “If I Closed My Eyes Forever” and the more I listened, the more I was drawn into the song.
If I closed my eyes forever, what would be the result? If I closed my eyes forever, what then? Would anyone care? Would my dreams finally come true? Would I be able to be “normal”? Would I be able to love? Would I be able to feel?
I talked with my brother about my thoughts about the song. He listened patiently and told me that if I closed my eyes forever, life would go on, and there would be a me sized hole in his life that could never be filled.
I never talk with him about my dreams, because the very thought of that discussion makes me shake and sweat. I often dream of climbing to the tallest mountain and jump off, my entire dream time is in the falling uncontrollably only to wake up when am pierced on a sharp spike. This dream is just one of them that recurs over and over. Another is I am standing on the deck of a ship and the ship is sinking, except I cannot move from the spot where I’m standing. Water laps around my feet, legs, and I cannot move.
Not to change the subject, but I can pretty much remember all of my dreams, and have never ever had an erotic dream. I have not had a dream where I laughed. I have never had a dream where I felt loved.
If I close my eyes forever, what would I find in that realm?