If…..

dreams

I was listening to some antique Ozzy this morning and it got my mind to begin to wonder.  The song was a duet with Lita Ford called, “If I Closed My Eyes Forever” and the more I listened, the more I was drawn into the song.

If I closed my eyes forever, what would be the result?  If I closed my eyes forever, what then?  Would anyone care?  Would my dreams finally come true?  Would I be able to be “normal”?  Would I be able to love?  Would I be able to feel?

I talked with my brother about my thoughts about the song.  He listened patiently and told me that if I closed my eyes forever, life would go on, and there would be a me sized hole in his life that could never be filled.

I never talk with him about my dreams, because the very thought of that discussion makes me shake and sweat.  I often dream of climbing to the tallest  mountain and jump off, my entire dream time is in the falling uncontrollably only to wake up when am pierced on a sharp spike.  This dream is just one of them that recurs over and over.  Another is I am standing on the deck of a ship and the ship is sinking, except I cannot move from the spot where I’m standing.  Water laps around my feet, legs, and I cannot move.

Not to change the subject, but I can pretty much remember all of my dreams, and have never ever had an erotic dream.  I have not had a dream where I laughed.  I have never had a dream where I felt loved.

If I close my eyes forever, what would I find in that realm?

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3 thoughts on “If…..

  1. I’m sorry for your pain. Again, I’ve had those thoughts that the only thing that would make me happy was too just be done with life. Fortunately, I found hope and happiness in following my dreams. I only hope that you will find a way out of the darkness and into the light and that you will find happiness. Sending lots of thoughts positive prayers and energy your way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. The journey through the darkness is just that, a journey. The only escape keep moving onward. My psych already told me that the journey will get worse before it begins to get better. But that if I keep working through, it WILL get better.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I believe that it will. And yes, it is most definitely a journey. But I do believe there will come a time you will be able to smile and laugh without pain. I truly hope that you will be able to feel that joy that I now feel about life. Hugs

        Like

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