Today Is Strange


For most of my life, sleep has been difficult.  I would sleep for a couple of hours then the Grunge would wake me up for “fun time.”  So most of my life has been spent sleeping very little wondering what “fun” the Grunge had in store for me.

The first time the Grunge took an interest in me was three days after my oldest sister (who had just turned 16) hung herself in the coat closet by the front door.  At least, that’s the story we got.  I had just turned 11, and the Grunge decided it was my turn because I was “ripe for the picking.”  He tied me, and all I can tell you, more parts of me hurt than I knew existed.  This went on two, sometimes three times a week from the day I turned 11 until my brother and I ran away when I was 19.  The more he would drink, the more often it would happen.  Sometimes he even let his poker buddies have me when he couldn’t pay what he owed them.

Logan told me that the same would happen to him too.  The Grunge did not care WHO he took to satisfy himself as long as he got his “needs” taken care of.  Sadly, we all knew the Grunge was hurting us, and we were afraid to say anything or do anything because he told us no one would believe us.

When Logan told me the Grunge had died, I didn’t know what to feel.  That night I didn’t sleep because I kept expecting to hear him grunting up the hallway to my room.  But Logan has assured me that the Grunge cannot hurt us anymore.  Last night, I dozed off and woke up 14 hours later.  FOURTEEN hours of solid sleep!  I don’t even remember dreaming.  I wasn’t drenched in sweat.  My underwear was still on and was on correctly.  There were not bruises or bite marks on me.  And for the first time, I felt good!  I took a long hot shower and didn’t worry about the Grunge watching me or waiting for me to step out so he could towel me off.

This morning, I actually looked in the mirror and saw my face in sunlight for the first time!  I got to brush my teeth, not because I was trying to wash away the nastiness, but because it felt good to just brush them.

None of this may seem like a big deal to anyone else, but this is a HUMUNGOUS deal for me.  For the first time, I actually feel safe!



2 thoughts on “Today Is Strange

  1. When I read your post, I felt so glad that you are finally beginning to feel safe! The abuse you and your siblings endured is unimaginable to me, but I am so so glad that you are healing! I continue to say prayers for you that you and your brother will be fully healed and find peace. So much light and love and peace I hope for you both!

    Liked by 1 person

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