These last several days have been a battle for me. Sleepless nights screaming into my pillow because the voice just won’t stop. The temptation to take ALL my meds at once and be done with it all. The floods of tears that just won’t stop. Trying to eat only to throw it up or the diarrhea that just wouldn’t let me hold anything in.
Logan got me some protein shakes and made me some smoothies to keep from getting dehydrated. He’s been my rock and I don’t know how to thank him. How do you express your undying gratitude to someone who has endured the same abuses and yet wants to help me get through dealing with it?
I spent all weekend talking with Logan. About how we both miss Mandy and how we felt when the Grunge told us she hung herself in the hall closet (even showed us) and how he then turned on us. The things he did to us were beyond belief now and neither of us could understand how we were still here. I admitted that I didn’t want to be here anymore because I couldn’t get the Grunge out of my mind.
Then Logan got a distant look on his face, like he was seeing something that was a long way off, and just out of the blue said, “We have to BE the light that the darkness fears.” I was stunned! I had never seen Logan daze off like that before, but what he said thundered in my mind for a long time.
And he was absolutely right! The biggest fear the Grunge had was that we would stop being afraid of him! He was terrified that we would reach the place where he could not scare us anymore! In order for us to reach that place, we have to stop being afraid!
We can’t change what has happened. I am still accepting that and it’s hard to do. But we CAN change what we do with what has happened. We can let it destroy us, or make us strong enough to try to help others! We really CAN be the light that the darkness of the Grunge feared so much!