Wondering

It’s been a while since I last wrote anything and there’s a reason for that.  I’ve been doing a lot of reading, a lot of thinking, a lot of mind cleaning, and….wait for it…..I got a job!  I work in a library nearby logging books into the computer system so I don’t have to deal with too many people.  But at least it’s fulltime (with insurance) and now I can start helping Logan with the bills.

But I’ve also been doing a lot of wondering and pondering.  With the recent election and the riots and protests that followed, I really had to wonder why so many act like spoiled toddlers who didn’t get their way instead of simply discussing the issues?  I mean, look at Mohandis Gandhi who brought about HUGE changes to India without rioting or destroying other people’s property or stealing.  He used non-violent protests to bring about change.  Martin Luther King didn’t advocate violence to bring about change, yet he has brought about more positive change in this country than anyone else.  I just don’t understand the need for violence, because violence begets violence.

I also have been wondering why almost every topic gets turned into a racial issue.  Can anyone show me where the Japanese are to go to breathe their own air?  How about the redheaded Scot, where to they go to breath the air reserved for Redheaded Scots?  A person’s appearance does not reveal their heart!  To most people, The Grunge was just a hard working dedicated Asian man who married a Hispanic woman and had three children whom he loved.  Truth, The Grunge was a hateful shit who drove his wife to take too many anti-depressants with her tequila shots.  The Grunge “loved” his kids so much that he tortured us all day, every day!  Yet to the outside world, he was admired.  So what does the outward appearance have to do with ANYTHING???!!!

Oh, before I forget, I met someone last week.  It was a chance encounter.  Her name is Vera and we met because the coffee shop was full and she asked to share my table.  we sat there for hours not saying a word, just reading and writing.  When she left, she thanked me for sharing and I got all flustered because she actually was sincere with her gratitude.  Two days later, I was the only customer in the coffee shop when Vera came in.  She could have had ANY table she wanted but she came over and asked if we could share a table again.  We had the most amazing conversation for a couple of extreme Introverts.  Vera is so nice, shy and polite.  I think she might just become my friend.  Taking it slow.  I don’t like people getting too close to me too quickly.  But the walls have lowered a fractional bit.

Last thing to put in this entry, the therapy is going pretty well.  The nightmares are beginning to not be so scary.  I don’t wake up in a sweat anymore, but still wake up tense.  Logan said he was so proud of me because I have made a morning routine schedule and have been keeping it for three weeks now!  Having Logan be proud of me has been like watching a sunrise over the ocean, such an incredible feeling!  He told me that he’s not afraid for me anymore because he’s too proud of me to be scared.