Is It Real?

daydreamer

Last night was HORRIBLE!!!!!  The nightmares were so real!  It was like I had gone back in time and he had me all over again.  I laid in my bed gushing sweat like a fountain and could not move.  I couldn’t scream or speak and could barely breathe.  My heart was pounding like it would explode.  And all I could do was lay there and let it happen, just like I had to for so many years.  I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or if

I don’t remember going to sleep and I don’t remember when the episode started or ended. But when it did end, I RAN to Logan’s room and dove onto his bed.  He talked me down and we got up, he made me shower, then we sat on the sofa with the tea he had made for us.

This morning when I woke up, I was completely freaked out and exhausted!  Logan told me to stay home, he called out, and he spent time tending to me.  I don’t deserve a brother like Logan who isn’t repulsed by such a weirded out, screwed up, fucking freaked out sister like I am.

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6 thoughts on “Is It Real?

  1. Oh I am so sorry you had such a bad night!!! You are not repulsive, your experiences are. Big difference! Your poor battered sub conscious is trying to get rid of the horror you’ve been through…as painful as it is, it can be a part of the healing process. A book I’ve read a while ago, and a very helpful person told me that dreams like this are like a pruning process for your brain, to rid you of the toxicity, for you to consciously process it and reject it…easier said than done, of course. Sending cyber hugs xxoo

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I agree completely with the comment above. Your brain is helping your work through the emotions and memories and one day, as someone once said, the waves will be smaller and take longer to wash over you. I just thank heavens that Logan is there to help you through it! And by the way, you are not messed up! You are a wonderful person that went through some horrific experiences. Remember that…YOU are not screwed up! You likely have PTSD and it will take time to heal from it, but you are STILL a great person! Just keep telling yourself that…”I am an amazing, strong, incredible, intelligent person!” One of these days, you might just believe it. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Maybe your purpose, at this time, is helping Logan to have a purpose in helping to save his sister. By giving him that purpose, you are also helping him work through it, too. You help keep each other sane and that is a beautiful purpose.

        Liked by 2 people

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