Logan and I are brother and sister. We live together. He is my rescuer and my hero. He is also the target of my mischief most of the time. And I am the target of his mischief.
It all began when he first moved me in with him. I have my own room and my own lav. However, when I’m in the shower, Logan would wait until I started singing (which drives him nuts) and he would flush his toilet. Suddenly, mid-song, all the cold water would disappear and I would get a bit of a scalding. He claimed my scream was much more pleasant than my singing. Little bastard.
So, whilst HE slept, I stealthily crept in with my ninja-like skills, and sewed all of his boxers together in one long chain. Oh my word, such profanity I heard the following morning would have melted granite! Ah…..sweet revenge.
Logan know that I like my tea. Do not fuck with my tea! Every morning whilst my tea is steeping, I get dressed then pour the tea into my thermos and off to work I go. Well, Dr. Sneakydrawers waited until I had just put my tea on to steep and put a jalapeno in to steep with the tea and when he heard me coming up the hall, snatched it out and ate it. Imagine my surprise when I went to the rooftop for lunch, wave at my redheaded, bespectacled, across-the-alley gawker, and pour my tea. I thought it tasted a bit off, but halfway through my cup I was racing around the roof trying to find the water spigot. I finally found one with no hose so I was practically standing on my head sucking down as much water as I could and giving my gawker the best view of my panda pantied ass he’s ever had.
Again, I relied on my wicked ninja skills, and while he slept, I painted his fingernails Bubblegum Pink and reset his alarm so he would have 15 minutes less time to get ready to catch the train. Logan is not exactly a morning person, meaning he’s not fully paying attention until he gets his coffee. Thus, when his alarm went off 15 minutes late, he had to dash. He didn’t notice his nails until he was on the train and someone told him how pretty they were. I did not realize that he had a presentation to make at work that morning, so he had to scramble to get to the pharm to get some fingernail polish remover. But not before his co-workers got a good giggle out of it.
Last night, he replaced my body lotion with mayonnaise. So when I got my shower and applied my “lotion” it was fucking disgusting! It took another two hot showers to get that nastiness off! And I’m still smelling it while I’m at work today!
What to do? What to do?