Speechless

altar-stone

I walked in the country

In search of adventure

To calm my spirit

To drown out the voices

Which plague my soul

I found an old chapel

Crumbling stone

Long neglected

All alone

Drawn to it I felt

And I stepped inside

‘Twas silent

Except for the birds

Nesting in the eaves

So I sat on the cold stone floor

And waited and listened

Aloud I began

To talk to whoever would hear

To this one called God, I guess,

“We haven’t met before

But I know your name

And have been quite free

In using it in my strings of profanity.

I’ve never talked to you before

Because I didn’t think you

Or anyone else gave a shit about me.

The voices tell me I’m worthless

They tell my no one cares

They tell me I should disappear

They tell me there is nothing to live for

They tell me I am a waste of air.

Why haven’t you told me something different?

Why haven’t you made the voices stop?

Where have you been?”

I got up and laid myself

Upon the ancient altar stone

And said,

“If I am truly worthless,

Take me from this life.

If you truly care

Prove it!”

And I waited

After a while

I must have dozed

And in my dream

From the deepest part

Of my being

A light!

A quiet voice spoke

With love and authority

All other voices went silent.

The light spoke thus,

“You have survived on purpose

Like it or not

Understand it or not.

Because you have survived

You can help others.

We need to talk more often,

I don’t mind if you are mad at me

Or upset with me,

I still care about you.

And remember this always,

Scars Prove You Still Live!”

I woke from my dream

Walked back to the house

Pondering what I had heard.

And the negative voices

Were, for the first time,

Speechless.

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6 thoughts on “Speechless

      1. Yeah, take your time…
        If you could maybe access a bible, take a look at Luke 22 and 23 if you have time. It really tells Jesus’s most painful times.
        I truly believe that, if He did that for a few people, it would have been worthless. I hold the belief that Jesus went through what He did for everyone. I mean, just take a look at the depression He faced; knowing His death, rejection from all of His closest friends, and even watching one of them deny Him in front of Him! if that would have been for a few people who believe on Him, then why do it? My money is on the fact that Jesus did it knowing that you and I both would struggle with pain, and He did it with our hurt in His mind as he went through His last hours. I want to believe that He loved everyone, even those who loved to run and hide in the dirt, as far away from Him as they could go: me.

        I ask you again to read Luke 22 and 23.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Honestly I’m not ready to leave my struggle behind until I get some answers. Read up on my history and you’ll understand why I need answers. 🙂

        Like

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