Arriving At A Realization

park sunrise

I arose this morning, completed my morning ablutions, and decided to take my tea with me on a stroll through the park.  The sun was just cresting the horizon and I was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of something I cannot completely describe.  I felt a wave of contemplation.  For all of my life up until recently, I did not like living one bit.  I hated it, as a matter of fact.  Enduring the inhumane ways a person can treat another gave me quite the sense of hatred for everything living.

I firmly believed in nothing and laughed any time I heard anyone even mention a life worth living.  My parents were nothing less than proof that shit does have a life of its own. and those “high and mighty” folk who dealt with them were further proof that shit clumps together.

However, during our time in Charleston, SC, USA, and getting to spend time with a Reverend who was the most human parson I had ever met, my views began to change.  And this morning was a continuation of one of our many discussions.  One of the things I had inquired of the dear Reverend was the formula for prayer.  Understand that every prayer I had ever heard up to this point was a memorized set of words that had left me even more cynical and convinced that those who prayed were idiots and stupid gits with all the ability to think as a stone.

However, this morning I remembered the discussion I had with the Right Reverend “I’m Not Shithead” on this issue.  He told me that prayer is merely the conversation with God which springs from the relationship we have with him.  The deeper our relationship, the deeper our prayers will become.  So, being rather new to this whole praying thing, I just began a conversation: “Beg pardon Sir, but as we’ve not been properly acquainted until recently, I’m not clear on how this works and what to say, so, if You don’t mind, I’ll just say what’s on my mind and then shut up.”  So I talked for the first two turns around the park and then, realizing that I was out of tea and my wallet was on my dresser, was ready to head for home.

Just as I was passing the tea vendor, I found 50 quid by the door of the vendor trailer.  I picked it up and asked the vendor if his till had come up short.  He looked at me like a googly eyed zombie and told me that he would most likely be fired because his till had come up 50 quid shy last evening.  I plunked down the cash and told him that I just found it in the shrubberies and please fix the hole in his cash bag.  As a result, I now have free tea whenever he is working and I could continue my stroll about the park.

I remember saying, “Rather convenient that was.” And the sense of peace that came over me was like I had NEVER experienced before.  I could swear I heard a chuckle in my mind and a kind, gentle voice say, “Coincidences don’t happen. EVERYTHING has a reason and a purpose.”  To which my response was, “Well, Sir, we have much to discuss because I have questions!” And I kid you not, the response I sensed in my mind was, “Yep, we do have much to discuss….but let’s begin with I love you more than you can know.”

Methinks this was the beginning of what will, most undoubtedly, be a most extensive conversation!


7 thoughts on “Arriving At A Realization

  1. Thank you for your testimony of faith.

    I was led to your site by doing a search for blogs on depression. It’s a added blessing when I read someone exploring spiritual perspectives born of emotional struggles. I look forward to reading more.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve been having a lot of internet problems for a while so haven’t been able to read your blogs. I just want you to know that I have similar conversations with Heavenly Father. What most people don’t realize is that He is our Father and He loves us as a Father should love His children. Most people, if they believe in Him at all, just see Him as a remote, distant, angry God that takes His revenge out when we don’t follow his commandments. They don’t realize that His love for us is eternal and perfect and unconditional. I’ve had those conversations with Him and let me tell you, it makes dealing with the trials a great deal easier when I can turn to Him with my questions. Hugs and love you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The discussions have gone from chats to more like talking with a friend. But I don’t want this to become a habit whereby I simply go through the motions. So, if I sense I am getting in a rut, I take a new route or just stop and look at the nature all around me. For the first time in my life, I sense that my life actually IS worth living and there really is a purpose for everything that has happened. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. And that is an amazing breakthrough for you! I’m so glad I found your blog when I did. I’ve been trying to let you know that’s what Heavenly Father felt about you, but I’m so glad you now realize that your life does have a purpose. Hugs to you! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Ha! Well, it usually takes a 2×4 piece of wood knocked over my head several times (figuratively speaking) to wise up to something He is trying to tell me, but I do get it eventually. heehee


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